• An American Corporation

    You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You announce to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.

  • A French Corporation

    You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

  • A Japanese Corporation

    You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You import your steaks from Wyoming, where the U.S. government has given you free land to raise cattle.

  • A German Corporation

    You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

  • An Italian Corporation

    You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. While searching for them, you see a beautiful woman/man and decide to take her/him to lunch. Life is good.

  • A Russian Corporation

    You have two cows. You drink some vodka. You count them and realize you really have five cows. You celebrate with more vodka. You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows! You count them again and you now have eight cows. You stop counting and open another bottle of vodka. The Russian mafia shows up and takes over all your cows. You have more vodka. Life is good.

  • A Swiss Corporation

    You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge the owners for storage. If they give milk, you tell no one.

  • A Brazilian Corporation

    You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have over 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

  • An Indian Corporation

    You have two cows. You worship them.

  • A Taliban Corporation

    You have the only two cows in Afghanistan. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. At night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them. Then you kill them and blame the American infidels.

  • A Polish Coporation

    You have two bulls. Several people are killed while attempting to milk them.

  • Enron Corporation

    You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by your CFO, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option to buy six more.

Back to humour …